


Let me hold you

by DutchmanCallypso



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anger, Anger Management, Angst, Arguing, Bodhi trying to make things better, Cassian needs a hug, Comforting, Crying, Cuddles, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, also a bit of Bodhi's backstory, slight anger management issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 19:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10497633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DutchmanCallypso/pseuds/DutchmanCallypso
Summary: Cassian is angry and upset. Bodhi is the only thing able to comfort him and keep him calm.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am such a Bassian trash I couldn't resist but write some angsty fluff. Yeah, that's the thing keeping me up. It's just a quick drabble-ish? (okay not anymore, I wanted to be shorter actually...) thing I wrote in the middle of the night and now I'm sad. Whoever wants to jump on the feels train with me, enjoy ♥

„I am sorry, captain Andor.“ 

Cassian studied Mon Mothma’s expression very closely to find any hint of thought, but it looked like she didn‘t care about his plan at all. Ten rebels went on an undercover mission last month and there wasn’t a single word from them for six days. He took a long, deep breath and tried to count to ten. „You just said where they’re being held,“ he started. „Are you seriously not planning a rescue mission?“

„It is a highly secured facility. As long as I am inclined to the heroic acts, this would be suicide. The number of men we’d lose would be higher than the amout we save. We’d gain nothing.“

The woman in a white robe was strict. She didn’t sound like that, but Cassian knew her. Stars, he knew her since he was ten years old. He was also aware she is not to be argued with. Although, this wasn’t a situation he was going to give up early. He was so glad he talked Bodhi out of this mission. The pilot was now standing behind him, not saying a word, but supporting Cassian mentally. There were cases Mon Mothma and Bail Organa didn’t like to discuss with the whole Alliance, but with their best warriors. Cassian was undoubtedly one of the triumphs, but he was too stubborn sometimes. Bodhi knew it. He also knew the reason Cassian’s hands were shaking. He was angry. He’d scream if he could. But he kept his expression still, not unveiling anything he was going through deep inside.  
„These men,“ Cassian broke the long lasting, uncomfortable silence. „There are many of our best pilots and warriors between them.“

Mothma didn’t say a word.

Nobody in the room said a word. Bodhi was looking at Cassian with hurt and worried look. Cassian was frowning, his brow furrowed. Bail Organa was sitting in the back of the room with a datapad, only listening. He didn’t believe his attendance in this conversation would make anything better. He was practically pretending he wasn’t there until now. „They died as heroes,“ he said after a solid two minutes. Cassian stepped forward. „Don’t you dare to say-“.

„Cassian,“ a comforting voice and a squeeze on his shoulder cancelled his action. Bodhi was trying his best to keep the captian calm. Cassian still looked at the leaders with the same anger and pain in his face, but his body relaxed a little and he took a step back. Bodhi didn’t say or do anything, but he still kept the hand on his man’s shoulder until Cassian stepped back and furiously walked out of the room. The pilot followed him, trying to catch up with the angry pace. As soon as Cassian reached the right door, he opened it furiously, knocking something out of the table. He smashed his fist into the wall, still shaking. Bodhi approached carefully. This view just hurt so much. „Hey,“ he whispered,“ Cassian looked like he hasn’t heard a single sound. He smashed the wall for the second time, the door bursted as he kicked it. Some things on the table fell down as a hand threw them on the floor furiously, the room full of glass shattering sound. Bodhi stood in the safe distance until Cassian’s expression changed from angry to sad. He stood in the center of the room, not doing anything, looking on the floor, hands still shaking. Bodhi still didn’t say a word, he just approached him like you approach a tremulous kitten. Cassian’s struggling made him sad, it torn him to pieces, broke his heart so much he wanted to cry. The man he loved so much was helpless, so upset and so vulnerable, feeling absolutely useless. Bodhi’s repertoire wasn’t so wide when it came to comforting. „Hey,“ he whispered, still a bit afraid. Cassian could burst out in anger anytime. But the man stood still, without any expression on his face. Bodhi felt a pressure building up in his throat. „Cassian,“ he tried, gently reaching out for the captain’s arm, caressing it. No reaction. Bodhi tried second time, getting closer. He sat them both on bed, Cassian didn’t let out a single protest. He could be angry as much as he wanted, but he could never bring himself to let the anger out on his beloved, so he rather kept his mouth shut. His mind felt like a detonator right at this moment and Bodhi was the last person in the galaxy he‘d want to experience its explosion. He didn’t want the anger to overcome him, but it felt so horrible. 

All of sudden, Cassian felt something. A light tickling of fingertips on the knuckles of his hand, Bodhi entwining their fingers together. He squeezed the offered hand tightly, suddenly he wished Bodhi wasn’t so far. Bodhi felt the light tug and sat closer. He let go of Cassian’s hand and carefully hugged him, so Cassian could hide his face into Bodhi’s neck. There weren’t words to say, the silence completed the moment, Bodhi was trying to provide Cassian all comfort he could think of. He buried his fingers in captain’s hair, fondling his head and neck lightly and with love. Cassian finally looked up, his eyes filled with tears. Just a quick glance on him made Bodhi’s heart shatter. „Don’t you cry,“ he whispered, voice shaking.

„They were my friends,“ Cassian said. It was nearly half an hour since he last said something. His voice was broken. Bodhi couldn’t figure out any answer. Cassian’s soft side wasn’t something he was used to. Cassian was a very tough man, he lost so much, watched many innocent people die, he’s seen battles, tragedies, he’s seen it all. It made him a great warrior, although it built a wall around him, a wall so strong not a single person could pass through until Bodhi came around. The defected imperial pilot caught Cassian’s interest from the beginning. Anxious, exhausted, his nightmares waking up the whole hall. None of them knew who made the first move, their relationship just happened, Bodhi was fond of someone with similar story, someone who held him during the tough nights, someone who acted unapproachable at first, as an act of defense, but could turn into a soft mess under touches and kisses. Bodhi’s nightmares disappeared within months, yet he was still afraid they’d come for him. They had his data. Everything seemed alright now, Cassian tried not to fear, although he had no problem risking his life for the pilot, if it was necessary. 

Now it was the other way around. It was Cassian who needed comfort and support, and Bodhi really tried his best. „Come here,“ he urged Cassian to fall in his arms again, and the captain gladly did so. „I love you,“ he murmured. As unexpected as it was, it sent a chill down Bodhi’s spine. Cassian was not the one to say this so much. In their relationship, Bodhi was usually the one to talk. Casssian weighed every word. 

„I love you too,“ was the response. The pilot caressed the other man’s back, trying to relax him to the point he’d stop shaking completely. Suddenly, Cassian let go of their hug, taking Bodhi’s hand, looking into his eyes. „I feel completely helpless,“ he confessed. „I couldn’t ... I can’t ... I don’t believe...“ He chose words, but none seemed to have the effect he wanted to express. There were no words to losing friends, Bodhi knew the people lost in the hands of Empire he once served. He couldn’t help it but feel guilty at the moment, even when there was literally no conection between him and this case. He just felt bad because he once actually wanted to be a part of the biggest evil in the galaxy. He loved flying and admired TIE fighters, becoming an imperial pilot was his dream fulfilled, at least for a couple of days. Then he discovered what it really takes, a strict regime, no contact with family whatsoever, suicidal missions... In guidance of Galen Erso, he was able to escape that hell. He thought of Galen sometimes. Did he make it? Bodhi didn’t use the Force for anything but pray for the man’s life. The Rebellion was a whole new world. Anyone was free to go, make his own choice. And they had X-Wings. They gave him his own X-Wing. Cassian’s idea. Bodhi named if after him. No one knew, not even Cassian. It was the pilot’s little secret. Speaking of Cassian, he seemed in a lot better condition right now. He fell asleep.  
Bodhi didn’t even notice their hands entwined once again and they now lay on the bed, Cassian so tired and broken his body and mind decided for peace. His breathing was steady, hand reached out to Bodhi, he moved slightly closer and the pilot adjusted him so they lay parallelly to each other. When a yawn came, he wasn’t fighting it. In seconds, his eyes closed too.

***

It was already dark outside when they woke up. The planet the base was currently staying on was very sunny and the night lasted only a few hours, days were longer and the sun was sometimes really annoying. It could shine through windows, although they were very well hidden. Cassian woke up first, smiling when he saw Bodhi curled up in something that used to be a part of their hug. He didn’t want to wake him up. But Bodhi’s subconsciousness figured out the sudden abandonment of the main source of heat, so he was awake within seconds. He spotted Cassian right next to him, his eyes still tired, but he seemed a little better. „How are you feeling?“ he asked the captain. Cassian wasn’t sure about an answer. He was still shaken. Bodhi could sense that. „Come here, come closer,“ he offered, caressing Cassian’s cheek. Cassian leaned forward slightly, so their lips touched. The kiss Bodhi gave to his lover was soft, loving and caring. Feelings started to dance inside every inch of Cassian’s body and mind. He returned the kiss. „How did I deserve you,“ he whispered in Bodhi’s mouth. Even with eyes closed, he could feel the pilot’s smile. Bodhi wasn’t sure what to say, so he kissed him again. Their bodies pressed against each other, love binding them, that were reasons for Cassian to live, just to name a few. „Feeling better?“ Bodhi asked again. 

Cassian’s smile was soft but all natural, no force in it. „With you holding me, always.“

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to anyone who decides to leave kudos or comment here, it really motivates me to write more. ♥


End file.
